Oh Be Thy Essence

For a while now I have noticed that my need for control and order is pushing back. It is causing disruption in relationships and discord in my heart. And it is so rooted in me, through generations of “disciplined” women, that it feels like it will always be who I am. As I move into a new season in life, I am recognizing that it is time to let the illusion of control go.

After deciding to embrace the declaration “I experience my life as it unfolds” for 2023, I had a fairly bold confirmation as I listened to a favorite podcast. The conversation turned to the idea of control, specifically “obedience”. As a woman there are unspoken and spoken rules of how to carry myself, how to look, what to eat, how to stay small enough in a million ways, how my home should look, etc. It was suggested in the podcast that all of these man-made rules are in place to ensure that my natural intelligence does not have a chance to develop and live fully. Every part of that downloaded into my being and I remembered!

Years ago, my mentor and teacher Susanne Conrad, spoke of obedience as “oh-be-thy-essence”. Listening to the podcast in the bathtub, that teaching suddenly became extremely clear. There is a difference between the obedience I have known and true Obedience. When I control my natural intelligence in order to fit into a man-made mold, that obedience is not coming from my relationship with my highest self. However, when I am in the practice of quieting myself in order to reconnect with source, I am able to “be-thy-essence”.

The ease of this has been trained out of me. Every traumatic experience, every negative voice, every piece of evidence I have collected to tell me otherwise get in the way every day. As I move toward the end of my PhD program, this is the work of my thesis: What does it mean to live as a divine being? How do we live in an extremely “human designed” world in a divine way?

It is a practice. It is a daily exercise in doing things that feel uncomfortable at first, knowing that discomfort is man-made; it is designed to keep us small. It may mean that you outgrow situations, relationships, and spaces. And if you truly listen, you will begin to discern true Obedience aligned with your highest self.