Lately the conversation around comparison seems to be a hot topic with my clients, friends, and even in my own head. Am I a good enough mom? Am I working hard enough? How does her body look like that and mine doesn’t? I could literally type pages of the things that go through my head on a daily basis, and funny enough, they are the same things clients bring to me as the tapes that play through their own heads as well.
I love social media. I love knowing what my friends all over the globe are doing. I love seeing their children and families, and I love finding out about new opportunities I wouldn’t know existed if I wasn’t connected in this way. And the reality is, I am very deliberate about when I choose to explore these spaces, because if I wasn’t, I would spend a lot of my time loathing myself.
As someone recently pointed out (in a social media post) these are highlight reels, they are meant to be the best of the best. What happens for me, is that when I forget that the behind the scenes for these people likely looks as messy as mine, I go into a complete shame spiral. Even when people post, “real life” posts, I sometimes think it looks pretty amazing. This is likely because I choose to surround myself with pretty amazing humans, so obviously their lives will look like that. Most of them actually are. AND SO IS MINE!
So where does the conversation about what is real and what is not come in? Here is my take; If there is someone or something that consistently triggers you into self-doubt or judgement, you get to choose to let that person (or maybe just their IG acct) go. It doesn’t mean what they are posting is “not real”, it is likely very real for them. It means, it is not serving or inspiring you. It’s ok. LET IT GO.
We all have our own realities. Each situation, post, conversation is occurring for all of us in a real way, yet they are all completely different perceptions. I often post things that feel extremely authentic, and I think “someone is really going to think I made that up”, and they totally will. It’s cool, I won’t resonate with everyone.
So, what do we do? I am going to steal a quote from a movie I went to yesterday (which by the way, almost everyone I’ve spoken with did not like, Henry and I thought it was magical). “You just have to find the right frequency and have faith in who you are.” and later heard “Love. That’s the frequency.” – A Wrinkle in Time
When I know who I am at my core, what I stand for, and have genuine love for myself, I can discern what is real for me. I can see through the jealousy, judgement, and fear to allow others to inspire me. Others will not always agree with my reality. What some may find inspiring, others may find completely irritating and fake. Here is the deal, it is all real, for someone, somewhere. We get to choose our reality, what we allow in and what we remove with love.