true self

Can we talk about Moana for a second?  The more I listen to the words and messages in that movie, the more I dive into who I really am and what is possible for me. And guess what? The deeper I go, the messier I seem to get.

I am in a space of uncovering layers right now. Layers of being someone for someone else that I didn’t even know I had piled on. And although I have had a clear sense of who I am, I continue to discover more about myself I didn’t even know as I allow myself to get straight up messy.

I have spent a lot of reflection time in the past, recognizing what it is like when I am around people who make me feel “not me”. What I didn’t anticipate was the impact it would have when people who make me feel my truest self are no longer in my life.

There are people who come and go. Yes. And then there are people who make me feel so big that I cling to the idea that they have some part in being able to be my truest self. So what happens when they go?

Today would have been my mom’s birthday. She was a person who made people feel big and true and real in their lives. When she died, there was a blip. And then, I remembered that I am still here, creating a legacy of my own in this world. I have a responsibility to continue to live and live fully as my truest self.

It is the same with any relationship. When I cling to the idea that a particular person, or situation is responsible for how I live, good or bad, it is just plain irresponsible. It takes away my personal responsibility for how I show up in the world. Not ok.

My plan? I’m going to sit in my messiness for a while. See if I can REALLY remember who I am, without the highs and lows other people bring into my life.  Probably listen to Moana and cry for a bit. And then I am going to live; really big and fully me. Because it is my responsibility to the world to be my true self.